Cheryl Anne's Eulogy

For those friends of Cheryl Anne Merrick who were not able to view her memorial service I have posted my eulogy at her memorial service here on her blog.  In preparing to post I realized that at the end of my talk about Cheryl♡Anne I failed to reiterate and summarize my introductory topical statement, as a good writer should do.  So, the added "I began Cheryl♡Anne's story" summary at the end is an addition to the spoken message.

  - Garrett Merrick

Thank you all for coming.  I want to acknowledge the music people, the Bishop, the RS & EQ presidents, and many others whom we know have helped to make this a special day for our family.  We thank Melode Blackmore for her wonderful support as our hospice nurse, and we thank those who provided flowers.  Any who brought flowers are welcome to take them home after the memorial service.  Teddi Stubbs has graciously volunteered to deliver any remaining flowers to ward members who need a little sunshine in their day.  We also thank Teddi for getting the painting of Cheryl framed, and a very, very special thanks to Kirsten Beitler, Cheryl♡Anne’s good friend who painted that lovely painting of Cheryl that you saw in the Life Display.

Nearly Home With Terminal Cancer

Things have been moving along quite quickly the last few days.  The ascites fluid buildup in my abdomen from the liver not functioning has become quite painful.  I am still fairly comfortable in a hospital bed.  The fentanyl patches and morphine are keeping me fairly comfortable.  I had expected that the morphine would make me dopey, but it doesn’t seem to be affecting my alertness much at all.  

The ascites has put so much pressure on my stomach that I can no longer eat, which is okay, since my digestive system seems to have shut down.  Since my stomach is so squished I don’t feel hungry at all.  I can no longer drink fluids, and I’m incredibly thirsty.   Since I haven’t eaten much this last week, or had water for a couple of days, I am very weak and doze a lot.  

Choosing Happiness With Terminal Cancer

People have asked me how I’m doing, and I say “pretty good for the circumstances”.  The circumstances are that my ovarian cancer has returned and is progressing very quickly.  My cancer indicator number increased from 500 at the end of November to nearly 3000 the first week of January, and is probably far above that now.  I’ve had ascites for the last month, which is a fluid buildup in the abdomen that you get with end-stage cancer.  I no longer have any appetite, and I tire exceptionally quickly.  My eyes are having trouble focusing, so I can no longer ride in a car, read, or write.  My husband is very kindly typing this for me.  At moments, like when I realized I couldn’t go for a ride any more, or when I realized that I won’t be here for a holiday or a special occasion, I cry.  When I’m reminded that I won’t be here with my husband, I cry.  My emotions are very tender at this time.  

Hope and Peace with Terminal Cancer

 I'm writing this even though I am so tired, am having trouble eating, sleeping, and walking. Since I'm also having trouble focusing, my husband has volunteered to see what I have typed with my eyes closed and fix it for me. Why am I even trying to write when my health is going down so quickly? I am doing this, making this effort for those who despair, who feel overwhelmed and discouraged. So many are so young and don't see the bright future that lies ahead of them.

So, how have I had hope and peace through 60+ years of health problems, chronic fatigue, pain, and now terminal ovarian cancer? 

Last Days with Terminal Cancer

January 11, 2023

I began Hospice care. Since I have so many problems with allergies and chemical sensitivities, it will be mainly just help with medicines and keeping me comfortable. 

My cancer CA125 count went from nearly 500 the end of November to nearly 3,000 on January 9th. 

Each day I am more tired. I can still walk around my home pretty well, dress myself, and send a few emails. I have ascites, but after putting on ten pounds in water last week, it is staying about the same. Sometimes I have a little diarrhea. By 5pm, I am so tired that I have a headache, chills, and am slightly nauseous. My sleep is light and I wake many times during the night. I can get food down, but it is hard to eat after 2pm. I am eating small amounts at a time. I don't have any appetite, and feel a little nauseous at the smell of food, but I can still eat a reasonable amount in a day. I walk very slowly and tired quickly. I feel better with a nap in the afternoon. 

Starting Hospice with Terminal Cancer

January 12, 2023

Last Friday, I started noticing that my tummy and legs were puffy. When I weighed myself, I found that over the week I had gained ten pounds in water. I remembered being at this point a year and a half ago when I was diagnosed with stage three ovarian cancer and recognized that what I am experiencing is called ascites. It indicates that my liver is not working well and is a sign that I am nearing the end with my cancer.


Though I'm incredibly tired and a bit achy, my lungs are still clear and everything is still working pretty well even with a cancer CA125 count of nearly 3,000. I am having to eat small amounts at a time since eating much gives me major heartburn. I also have no appetite and feel a little nauseous, but I'm still able to eat. I'm feeling very blessed, and today I'm enjoying the sunshine as we begin the process of entering hospice care.

Last Months with Terminal Cancer

 

January 2, 2023

My stage 3C ovarian cancer has returned after two surgeries, four chemo treatments, and a year of taking the cancer suppressing medication, Lynparza. My body began becoming less responsive to the Lynparza until we decided to stop taking it in October 2022. 

Since my blood pressure was dropping to a seriously low level, I was generally exhausted, my cancer was quite advanced, and there was no prospect of being cured, it became no longer advisable to try other treatments.  At this time, I am only taking vitamins. My CA125 cancer count had been doubling each month for about nine months and now is expected to be at least 1000. 

Lessons from Having Terminal Cancer

November 2022

One thing I have been learning this last year is not to fear. We can do anything with the Lord's help. I have had to pray for help to have faith and not to fear, and the Lord has helped me. When fear overtakes me, I can't feel the Spirit, then I'm really afraid. As long as I turn to the Lord for help and strength, He has been there to help me. I've even been able to sleep well right before both major surgeries. When I have done all that I can for my health, then I have been able to ask in faith for His help in my life. He is always there to help you.

Looking forward to being with my family forever as I have Terminal Cancer

As I am going through my last months here on the earth, I am preparing to meet my ancestors who have proceeded me. I don't want them to be disappointed that I didn't assist them while I was here on the earth. This is why I am now helping my family members by doing the Temple sealings so that we can live together in heaven as a family for all eternity.

Of course, anything we do here does not change the people in the spirit world unless they want to accept it. Some of my ancestors may want and accept the opportunity I'm giving them and others may not, but I would like to give them the chance to choose if they want to have the ordinances so we can live in our family together forever. (for more information see)

A New Year with Terminal Cancer

 

My ovarian cancer marker number (CA125) has been doubling each month for several months. By the end of December it was 1,000, with 35 being the point where you have cancer. By the end of January it will probably be 2,000; the end of February 4,000; the end of March 8,000; the end of April 16,000. Knowing this fast rate of growth, that my late stage ovarian cancer is incurable, and that my body is no longer able to endure any further treatments to delay the inevitable, I have, quite naturally, been thinking a lot about death.

Trips during my last months with Terminal Cancer

The end of November, we went to Zion National park. It is less than an hour from our home. I enjoyed walking a little ways with my husband along the river. It is so immense and peaceful there.