Nearly Home With Terminal Cancer

Things have been moving along quite quickly the last few days.  The ascites fluid buildup in my abdomen from the liver not functioning has become quite painful.  I am still fairly comfortable in a hospital bed.  The fentanyl patches and morphine are keeping me fairly comfortable.  I had expected that the morphine would make me dopey, but it doesn’t seem to be affecting my alertness much at all.  

The ascites has put so much pressure on my stomach that I can no longer eat, which is okay, since my digestive system seems to have shut down.  Since my stomach is so squished I don’t feel hungry at all.  I can no longer drink fluids, and I’m incredibly thirsty.   Since I haven’t eaten much this last week, or had water for a couple of days, I am very weak and doze a lot.  

My bedroom is in a nice sunny room, and I’ve been enjoying the sunshine, visiting, listening to stories, scriptures, and watching old classic musicals.

It’s hard to comprehend that my body is just wearing out and quitting, because I still feel the same inside.  It’s hard to comprehend that this is really happening, and that I probably only have a few more days here.  I am relieved that I won’t just be doped up in bed for months.  I’m grateful that I’ll be able to start my new life on the other side soon.