For Us by Cheryl Merrick

           For Us

He shops, cleans, does laundry,

and pays bills “for us”.

Allowing me the quiet time

I need to study and think,

so I can write “for us”.

Subsequent to re-posting For Us on Cheryl♥Anne’s blog, I read Designed for Covenant Relationships,  a recent Brigham Young University devotional talk which amplifies and clarifies the true principles behind For Us far better than did my poor words.  The author introduces her topic with these significant words:

 “We are deeply relational beings, designed for radical dependence and connection.  Marriage and family life . . . are not just the means to an end.  Familial love and belonging are the end.” 

This brilliant article  is a must-read.   The link is listed at the end of this post.

It’s quite audacious of me to claim that this short, simple poem is Cheryl♥Anne’s greatest, but I know its full meaning, since I’m part of it.  Notice that I said “part”, not “half”; Christ is by far the Major Contributor to this story.  It is Cheryl♥Anne’s greatest poem because it embodies the entire purpose of mortal life and the Gospel plan.  That purpose is unity in marriage - and a few ideas on how it is achieved.

The process started long, long ago when “intelligences” were united with a spirit body, thus becoming a united being.  The process continued when the spirit was united with a physical body and placed in a situation where that man or woman was given the freedom to choose between good and evil, while being subject to the demands and temptations of mortal life.  In other words, will the spirit control the body or not?  Joy in life comes when spirit and body are united to choose the good, which can only happen when we allow Christ to be our leader.

Then, if we are to become like God, another “added upon” event must occur.  A man and a woman must be sealed together eternally by God’s authority on earth.  But, that sealing does not make a man and a woman united.  It only gives them the opportunity to work at becoming such.  Remember Christ’s words: “if ye are not one, ye are not mine”.  

The greatest joy that can come to a man and a woman in mortality is to become one, to be united.  That is the essential message of For Us, not the writing or the laundry, but the unity

Lesson Learned from Mothering

Just a Mom

As a mother, grandmother, and teacher, it has been an amazing experience to help nurture others and to be a significant influence in their lives.  I've also been thinking of how much I have learned through this service. 

• Patience - growth and change take time - a lifetime
• Faith - act knowing and focused on potentiel
• Love - put your whole soul into helping others
• Acceptance - that real love often means saying, "No"
• Trust - in others' underlying goodness
• Work - relationships and developing talents takes time and effort
• Forgiveness - look inward before judging another
• Appreciation - value effort and intent, not just the product
• Compassion - see with the heart

What is the Antidote to Bullying?

Recently, I heard a neighbor express her pain about her two adopted black daughters being bullied at their high school. It brought back memories of when one of my daughters was also being mistreated in a high school class. The students threw large, wet, spit-wads at my daughter which left inky splotches on her clothes and caught in her long hair. One time they even unfolded a paper clip and used the sharp end to tear the back of her blouse. 

As a parent, as a mother, it hurts deeply when someone hurts your child. You know the joy this child has brought to your life. You know how special she is, and you sense her amazing potential. You have seen her struggles, and her triumphs. How can you watch as people try to pressure her into accepting that she is worthless? 

Is my daughter black? No, but she is different, and that is all it takes to be bullied. You have to be identifiable. You can have a different color of skin, be

Are we a becoming a nation of bullies?

I've been thinking about bullying since last week when a friend warned me about a new Facebook "hack" where a hurtful comment, supposedly from you and invisible to you, is inserted into your Facebook responses. I've been thinking about all the hate and just pure meanness that we see all around us, and I have been wondering why this is happening. 

Are people seeing this cruel behavior modeled as "normal" in their entertainment? Yes, that is probably a factor, but you will have to evaluate the extent because I quit watching TV shows and current movies (except for the Hallmark type) years ago. When I saw darkness, hopelessness, violence, rudeness, crudeness, dishonesty, mocking the good, and selfishly using people portrayed as "normal", I flicked to the next channel, until finally, I just turned my TV off. The same with movies. When even the short advertising trailers made me cringe inside, I knew it would hurt me to watch it and make it a permanent part of my "memory banks", so I quit watching most new movies. 

Perhaps, I am more shocked by the bullying today because my "frog" stayed out of the "pot" by avoiding the hidden agendas of those in Hollywood.

Hearing Him

During this time of pandemic, social unrest, and violence, when many hearts are filled with fear and despair, we need more than ever to "hear Him". We live in a time when news is often more sensationalism and entertainment than non-biased reporting; when factual "eye witness" accounts may be mere fantasy; and when Posts, Tweets, and videos often present half truths, and even lies, which may mislead us. 

Crash Rescue

I just saw an article about a brave young man who rescued a woman and her three children from a burning car. It brought back memories of when our family were the rescuers. 

Many years ago when our children were still at home, we were on our way to our nephew's baptism. Suddenly, a car just ahead of us clipped the back fender of a small car it was passing. We gasped as the rear axle of that car came loose and flipped over our car while the rest of the car did front to back somersaults across five lanes of freeway traffic. Amazingly, no other cars were hit, and none of us collided into each other.

As the car was completing its last flip, a small bundle fell out of the car window, then the car landed on its side on the bundle. All I could think was, "Oh no!, Oh no!" I was so afraid that the car had landed on a baby. 

The Fragileness of Life

(This video is about a mother who confronts life's fragileness, and the comfort a young man* gives her. )

Today, my husband dropped his large, heavy ladder on his head. Well, not exactly on his head. It just grazed his forehead and left a cut a couple of inches long, but if it had hit him more solidly, he would not still be with us. 

As I sit here watching my husband sawing branches off our pine tree as he stands on a tall ladder, recent memories come to my mind. Last Saturday, I found out that my son was assaulted by a man while he and his family were at our local mall. It turned out that the man was an armed fleeing murderer. The man ended up in jail, and my son with a titanium plate in his cheek bone. 

Thinking About Why God Says "NO"

I've been thinking about this old poem, "And God said, No". It has brought thoughts to my mind about all the time I have spent ill and in bed. At first, I wondered why my pleas to be made well were not answered. As I've grown older, I have seen how my struggles have strengthened my character, helped me gain confidence in my abilities, deepened my relationship with my husband, and built a strong faith in God. Would I trade my hard earned lessons for a life of ease?

Being Accepted

https://www.lds.org/media-library/video/unity-in-diversity?cid=HP_FR-14-9-2018_dPAD_fMLIBxLIDyL1-B_&lang=eng
I just watched this video and was impressed that it dealt with some difficult topics. As a person who dances (I don't march) to the beat of a different drummer, I know that it is important to keep firmly in my mind who I really am -- a daughter of God.  If everyone else in the world does not accept, or approve of, who I am and how I do things, it doesn't matter. I am still a daughter of God. I have been given amazing gifts by my Heavenly Father. I have unbounded potential and tremendous worth.

Some people struggle with accepting people who are different from themselves. Though it is challenging to not feel rejected, we must see the situation for what it really is. It is not our difference that is the problem, but their lack of acceptance.

What Does Perfection Look Like?

https://www.lds.org/media-library/video/youth-curriculum/10-october?lang=eng

Only one man was perfect.   

What was he like?

How Can I Become Perfect?

https://www.lds.org/media-library/video/2013-08-014-daily-bread-change?category=topics/repentance-and-forgiveness&lang=eng

If you work hard enough, can you become perfect? Of course not!  Being perfect is being like our Heavenly Father and our Savior -- finished, complete, whole. It is a very long term goal that we can desire and work at in this life, and which we might reach sometime in the eternities, but only if we allow our Savior to help us. 

Why can't we become perfect on our own? The fact is that we learn by making mistakes. We do something; experience the consequences, then make a judgement on whether what we did was good or bad. Did it make us happy and bring us peace, or did it make us miserable, and fearful? This is what we are here to do: to learn and grow. Well, we certainly have  making mistakes down pat, and we can even determine if we want to continue that behavior or never do it again, but how can we grow? 

Are You Feeling Overwhelmed About Becoming Perfect?

Great video if you are feeling overwhelmed about becoming perfect from a woman who has been there and found her way out.

https://www.lds.org/media-library/video/2016-10-0001-the-perfect-lie-tiffany-webster?lang=eng

As a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, I know of no better way to reduce a group of church women into a miserable puddle of guilt, than to mention becoming perfect. Immediately, women begin bemoaning their "failures": their home isn't neat every moment, their children are not high achievers, their meals sometimes are not very nutritious, their hair has a mind of its own, their clothes aren't stylish, their weight is too much, their yard has weeds, they forget things, and worst of all, they sometimes get tired and grouchy.

What Does God Think of Us?

https://www.lds.org/media-library/video/2014-01-001-abide-with-me?lang=eng

Who hasn't experienced a child who has the "gimmies". This child never has enough, doesn't appreciate what she has, and never even says, "thank you". She works on her never ending Christmas list year round. Though she doesn't even know what she has in her vast hoard, she is sure that she must possess more than anyone else has-- far more! 

How about the youth who packs up his car with all he can lay his hands on from home, then heads out to be on his own, ignoring his parents --until he needs help. Then after disregarding all his parent's advice and counsel, he expects them to come running to bail him out. Arrogantly, he expects his parents to always be there for him, endlessly supplying his all wants. If ever they refuse to indulge him, he poutingly declares, "You don't love me". 

What is God Like?

https://www.lds.org/media-library/video/2014-06-01-joseph-smiths-first-vision?lang=eng

We all wonder what God is like. Some think He is a spirit who dwells in our hearts. Some view Him as a great Santa who grants all their wishes, but what is He really like? One of the best ways to know, of course, is through people who have actually seen God. 

What Happens When We Die?

https://www.lds.org/media-library/video/2015-08-1080-what-happens-after-we-die?category=mormon-beliefs&lang=eng

When I wrote about being happy to have another birthday, I said that I wasn't afraid of dying. I thought I should explain why I said that.

I think most people are afraid of dying because they don't know what will happen to them. Some people think they will just cease to exist. Many people envision their spirit continuing in a place where there is not any suffering or pain, but where they will be single without their family. Though they have hoped and promised in this life that "their love will continue forever", they aren't sure it will.

What does happen after you die? Will you really cease to exist? Will you lose your body and be just be a spirit forever? Will your marriage and family be gone?  

Being a Dad

https://www.lds.org/media-library/video/2009-04-005-bad-hair-day?category=topics/fathers&lang=eng

I laugh each time I see this video, but it really says a lot about being a dad. It is more than just providing and protecting your family, though that is important. Dads spend their life trying to meet the needs of their family. 
My dad made life fun for us and taught me so many things. He ran for ages beside me helping me learn to ride a bike, and spent hours teaching me to drive his red VW bug. My husband has always been there to help our children and grandchildren. He helped the kids build things in his shop and led the neighborhood kids in basketball and tag football games. My son-in-law has fancy tea parties with his little daughter, and carries her up mountains so she can come on hikes with him. 

I've been in awe as I've witnessed the sacrifice and love which has made mere men into Dads. 

Another Birthday!

https://www.lds.org/media-library/video/2012-07-001-have-i-done-any-good-in-the-world-today?category=mormon-channel-music-videos&lang=eng

My gift to you. You can download the video here. 

In a few days I'll have another birthday. I'm excited to turn 68. I know most people try and hide their age, especially women. I don't. First of all, I so grateful to have made it this far, and second, I don't think anyone would really believe me if I said I was younger.  Let's face it, no older person really looks very young if you come within twenty feet of them.

Mainly, I'm excited about another birthday, because life keeps getting better.  Yes, I have health problems which restrict the things I can do, but I find that I'm happier now than when I was younger.  Though I admit, that I was prettier back then, I worried about everything. I compared myself to other women and saw them as more attractive and talented.  I went into a deep depression if I gained a pound, or hid in shame if I had a blemish. I listed all that others could do and neglected my own unique abilities. I worried if I was being a good wife, mother and homemaker. I worried constantly over my children's health, safety, and happiness. I made a long list of other women's strengths and expected myself to perform up to those standards, and I always felt that I was not measuring up to society's expectations. In other words, I sucked the joy out of life.

Advantages of Getting Older

https://www.lds.org/media-library/images/mormon-channel-daily-quotes-meme-april-faith-1943084?lang=eng

Yes, there really are advantages to getting older. 

• I've lived long enough to see consequences of actions. Things that seemed to be bad at the moment have turned out to be good in the long run. For example, my poor health has helped my husband become very loving and supportive.

• I've learned whose advice I can follow. I've come to respect my husband's advice. I saw the counsel of the leaders of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints come true. They counseled for years to get out of debt, live within your means, avoid Home Equity Loans, and store food and necessities. Those that followed this advice were all right when the "Down-Turn" came. 

• I've learned not to worry if children do immature things. They are learning. Have faith in them. Give them time, love, a good example, good principles, lots of encouragement, and trust God to make up the difference. Children usually become great adults because of, and in spite of, our efforts as parents.

How Do You Find Happiness?

https://www.lds.org/media-library/video/2011-06-01-we-can-find-happiness?lang=eng

I'm always surprised when people give me sympathy. By this time you wouldn't think that I would be surprised since I've been ill for over 45 years. When I tell them that I can't eat wheat or dairy, must avoid petrochemicals (plastics, perfumes, polyester etc. . . . ), and often have little energy, their eyes grow round, then they blurt out that "They couldn't live that way!" They actually seem to have a hard time believing that I could really be happy.

Why Does The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints Send Out Missionaries?

https://www.lds.org/media-library/video/2013-02-2000-mormon-missionaries?category=missionary/introduction-to-mormons&lang=eng

I've heard that some people say that members of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints send their young men out on missions because it is a "rite of passage". Obviously, they haven't been around many young men. I've not yet met any young man who would give up his job, car, music, cell phone, and laptop, leave his girlfriend, and postpone his college plans, so he could travel to a strange place where he would have doors slammed in his face all day, just for a "rite of passage".