Could I Leave My Faith

As my father was dying, he begged me to come back to our traditional family religion.  He claimed that since all religions were about the same, it wouldn’t make any difference.  Though I knew it would mean so much to my dad, I didn’t do it.  Why?

To answer, I must go back to my college days.  I lived just down the hill from the University of California at Berkeley.  It was in the late 1960's, the age of Hippies, and “Flower Power”.  Youth were questioning.  They were tired of just being admonished to do as you are told.  They didn’t want to merely follow some traditional religion.  They wanted answers.  They wanted to know the meaning of life.  Some sought “enlightenment” in Far Eastern religions, and some in LSD (not LDS!) drug highs.  For most it was just a “fad”, but for me it was not.

I studied the major world religions and found some truths there.  I looked at Christian religions and found some truth there.  But it was not enough for me.  I wanted more than beliefs that some people had decided would make good guides for life.  I was looking for more.  I wanted truth, what was real.  I was looking for something that felt right.

One day I began to study The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints.  I found again the real God, a loving Heavenly Father, whom I had known as a child until I became lost in all sorts of religious “mysteries”.  I learned that my life had purpose - to learn, grow, and become like my Heavenly Father, and that our Savior could help me reach my full potential.  I had always felt that loving relationships could not just end, and was thrilled to hear that we could continue in families after we left this life.  It all felt right and true.  It felt like I had rediscovered truths that I had always known.

It was like going from candlelight into the sun.  After years of searching, I had found not some man-made set of beliefs, but the truth I was seeking and could never leave.

Why I Became a Mormon

When I was eighteen and living close to Berkeley, California, I was looking for some teachings to guide my life. I wanted a happier life than I'd seen in my family.  I looked into all sorts of religions, even Far Eastern.  Nothing felt right and many of the things they said didn't seem just - such as if you were a little bit better you went to heaven or a little bit worse and you went to hell.  About this time I met a nice girl in a high school summer class, and we became friends. I was very impressed with the love I saw in her family.  I had never seen anything like it before.  I began to ask her questions, and she suggested I talk to some missionaries.  As I read the Book of Mormon, so many questions I had were answered.  Ideas just rang true.  They felt like things I had always known, but had forgotten.  Finally, two years and many, many questions later (I  had to be sure, for I knew this was the biggest decision I would make in my life), I finally joined The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints.  My parents weren’t very happy with my decision, but I was.  Through the years, these true principles have helped me to build a happy marriage and a strong family, and to see my health problems as opportunities to grow. I have never regretted my decision one moment.

Be Still, My Soul

Be Still, My Soul

My favorite hymn is “Be Still, My Soul”. This hymn deeply touches me each time I hear it. In fact, I’ve never been able to sing all the verses, because I get so overcome.

I had to Go Beyond Logic to Heal from Cancer

 

When I saw this video, The Binding, about Abraham and his son, Isaac, I cried.  Abraham knew that it didn't make sense to offer up his son. He knew that he had been promised a posterity as numerous as the sands of the sea through Isaac. Amazingly, he had the faith to do what the Lord asked of him no matter how illogical it seemed, because he knew he could trust the giver of the promise.

Less than a year ago at the time I became ill with cancer, I was given a promise from the Lord that I was being given a chance to heal. I also knew that my stage 3c Ovarian Cancer had spread throughout my entire abdomen giving me a high cancer count of 1,900 (35 is the point where you have cancer) and just three months to live. How could I possibly be healed?  

How I've Changed from having Cancer this last year

Though it seems like years ago, it has only been six months since I was diagnosed with Stage 3c Ovarian Cancer. My cancer was so advanced that I was given just three months to live unless chemo treatments could stop it. I have always known that I had many allergies and chemical sensitivities and had serious chronic fatigue with my adrenal glands quitting for 15 years, but I had still expected to live another twenty years. Now, here I was in the hospital on my 71st birthday undergoing tests for cancer and having to face that I might soon be leaving my husband, family, and friends. When my little granddaughter drew pictures for me of her future family, I cried. My heart ached to continue to be with everyone.

These last six months have been filled by me with many prayers for the faith and strength to make it through four chemo treatments and ovarian cancer surgery. Instead of me focusing on helping others, I also came to rely on others prayers and support to help me face what I knew I must do. I was especially overwhelmed by all the love and care my husband gave me day after day. I have never felt so loved.

He Calms My Storms

Last night I realized how much the Lord is "carrying" me. Allergies woke me, then worries overcame me. It takes a lot of courage to have major surgery with major allergies. I have to travel several hours to have the cancer surgery and then back home. Also, though the cancer seems to be going into remission, it might just be a five year reprieve. When I read from the scriptures, “Peace I leave with you, my peace I give unto you: not as the world giveth, give I unto you. Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid.” I was able to at last feel at peace and rest. The Lord is my strength. I could not do this without His help.

Jesus Christ -- Our Prince of Peace

How can I say it will be well if I don't live?

 

A few people have questioned how I could say that all will be alright even if I don't recover. How can I not feel that all will be for my best good? I've had so many experiences over the years that have shown me that God really does know everything. He saw consequences and possibilities that I sure didn't, and He has shown me over and over again that He knows me and loves me. I have learned to trust Him. I feel His presence holding me up and strengthening me at this time. 

Long ago, I gave up expecting God to accept that I know more than He does. I also realized that I needed to grow up and quit measuring the Lord's love based on my immediately being given whatever I want. 

Knowing that God truly knows everything and loves me deeply, then there is only one possible conclusion -- whatever happens will be for my best good. 

Blessings in the Hospital

Last week, I was admitted to the hospital, a place I've managed to avoid for 71 years except to have our four children. I had had some abdominal swelling for a couple of weeks, but it suddenly became worse. I could no longer eat or drink and was in extreme pain. 

Our doctor at our local clinic took a CT scan which showed a large mass about the size of an orange and some smaller masses in my abdomen. He immediately sent me over to the emergency room at the large hospital near our home where they drained nearly five liters of fluid from my abdominal cavity to my great relief.

During the week I had many tests, concluding with a biopsy of the large mass on Thursday, my birthday. Over and over I heard the words, "Probable cancer", "Cancerous masses can cause tissues to leak fluid like this", and, "The oncologist (cancer doctor) will interpret all the results."

Hearing Him

During this time of pandemic, social unrest, and violence, when many hearts are filled with fear and despair, we need more than ever to "hear Him". We live in a time when news is often more sensationalism and entertainment than non-biased reporting; when factual "eye witness" accounts may be mere fantasy; and when Posts, Tweets, and videos often present half truths, and even lies, which may mislead us. 

For those who are Mourning

I know that there are many who are mourning this holiday season. For some the pain in their heart is sharp and new, and for others, holidays bring a flood of overwhelming memories and a deep longing for those who are no longer with them.

My family is also grieving this holiday season for the loss of my brother-in-law who died just before Christmas. Though we all knew that he had been suffering a great deal for twenty years as he bravely fought cancer, we are all deeply feeling his loss. 

Help in these Difficult Times

Many of us know we can pray to God and have felt His help in our lives, but we long for more guidance from the Lord. We want to know what we can do to be prepared to deal with these difficult times and for what will come in the future. We want to know what we can do to keep our family safe.

The good news in these challenging days is that we do have a loving Heavenly Father who not only wants us to make it through these times, but wants us to thrive. He is doing this by giving us specific guidance to help us be prepared for the challenges we are now experiencing. 

Hope you have a good day!

I really enjoy this song which is the theme song for the youth in The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints this year. It is so full of hope and faith. I hope you enjoy it.

If you need more than just a cheerful song, then check out these resources.

Mental Health Resources 

Coping with Loss During the Pandemic

Yesterday, I read an article called "Grieving This Season of Loss"* and watched this video. Though I know that our Heavenly Father and our Savior can give us the strength and comfort we need to make it through these times of fear and restrictions, what I haven't considered is that we are all grieving, even me! 

I've always thought of grieving as what we do when someone we love dies, but grieving includes far more. It is loss. It is the disappointment that my neighborhood high school seniors are feeling when all their celebratory activities have been canceled.  It is the postponed vacations and health care, and all the weddings, birthdays, anniversaries, and holidays without family around us. It is the loss of normal social contact and the loss of the freedom to come and go as we please. 

How God Guides Me

I watched this video several times.  It gives a lot to think about. Besides finding answers when I read scriptures and prayer, I like to wake up slowly in the morning and listen in my mind and heart.  At this quiet time of day before my mind is absorbed on daily tasks is a time when thoughts come to my mind that I know are answers from God to me.

Sometimes, I'll just have a feeling that I should do something, or that I shouldn't do it.  Sometimes I just know something.  It might be that a person needs me to send them an email right then.  Other times, I might just know what I should say to a grandchild, or I'll have an impression to write on my blog.  I feel this flash of knowledge is a special gift to me. It affirms God's love for me.

At other times, God sends books to me. I used to find a book just sitting out on a library shelf that was exactly what I needed to learn at that time. In these days of hightec, the book I need is suggested to me online. I just know that I need to read that book, and when I do, there is the answer I was looking for. This is a special way that I receive revelation. It makes me feel that God really knows me personally and understands how I learn.

It is so comforting to know that God is close by. He is there to help, guide, and comfort. He gives me strength, and fills my heart with love and peace.

Help for Living in a Pandemic

Like most everyone, my thoughts have been focused on the current covid-19 pandemic. The Savior has warned us that there would be plagues in the last days, and our leaders have counseled us to store food, water, medicines, sanitation supplies, and to have savings and cash on hand to help us deal with emergency situations. Wouldn't it have been great if we all had done this? People could have calmly remained in their homes instead of panicky rushing to stores to grab and hoard all they could find on the fast emptying shelves.   (for helpful ideas go to  https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/callings/church-safety-and-health/pandemic-planning?lang=eng

But more than being prepared with things, I've wondered how to prepare myself to have the strength to deal with not only the physical danger, but the economic repercussions of this pandemic. As I've spent the last two days listening to inspired men and women give their counsel, these thoughts have impressed me: 

Going Beyond my Abilities

In 2015, I had an experience that I'll always remember. I was serving as a volunteer answering feedback on the web site for The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. One day I received a request for help that I knew I had to answer. A man in his late 80's wanted assistance finding an article, "Journey to the Temple", in the December 1970 New Era Church magazine. It was about the experience he and his wife, now gone, had of driving their two small children across the vast Australian outback following just a dirt track, so that they could be sealed in the New Zealand Temple. 

I could see how much this older man wanted to read again about this special experience he shared with his wife and children so many years before. I also knew that the issues of the old Improvement Era were not available on the Church site. There were some archives somewhere, but I didn't know how to find them. I also felt that this man would not be able to follow some complicated navigation to find the article himself. 

I had a strong feeling that I must find this article for this older man, but how could I do this with my limited computer savvy? I prayed and began typing and clicking on my computer. Soon his article miraculously appeared before me. I quickly sent him the link before it disappeared. He was so grateful, and I was so amazed! I never was able to find that site again. I realized at that moment that the Lord would help me do whatever things He wanted done. It didn't matter that it was far beyond my abilities; all I needed to do was try. 

The Fragileness of Life

(This video is about a mother who confronts life's fragileness, and the comfort a young man* gives her. )

Today, my husband dropped his large, heavy ladder on his head. Well, not exactly on his head. It just grazed his forehead and left a cut a couple of inches long, but if it had hit him more solidly, he would not still be with us. 

As I sit here watching my husband sawing branches off our pine tree as he stands on a tall ladder, recent memories come to my mind. Last Saturday, I found out that my son was assaulted by a man while he and his family were at our local mall. It turned out that the man was an armed fleeing murderer. The man ended up in jail, and my son with a titanium plate in his cheek bone. 

Thinking About Why God Says "NO"

I've been thinking about this old poem, "And God said, No". It has brought thoughts to my mind about all the time I have spent ill and in bed. At first, I wondered why my pleas to be made well were not answered. As I've grown older, I have seen how my struggles have strengthened my character, helped me gain confidence in my abilities, deepened my relationship with my husband, and built a strong faith in God. Would I trade my hard earned lessons for a life of ease?

Is it hard to live the commandments of God?

A lot of people seem to think that it is much easier to not live the commandments of God, than it is to live them. In the immediate moment, I definitely agree. It is always easier to "go with the flow", at least it is until you hit the rapids, or plunge down the waterfall. But, let's face it, who doesn't have rapids and even waterfalls in their life? Who would travel down a dangerous river completely ignoring the guidance of the seasoned guide? 

How Can I Still Be a Member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints When I Don't Have All the Answers?

https://www.lds.org/media-library/video/2018-03-0010-joseph-smith-and-the-beginnings-of-polygamy?category=church-history-topics&lang=eng

I know that there are people who think that if I have any unanswered questions, then I should leave The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. To me that makes as much sense as quitting using computers, because I don't know everything about them. Actually, at my age, I'm grateful that I can use a computer at all. 

But, don't unanswered questions bother me? No. I'm very used to not  knowing everything. Let's face it, only teenagers know everything. If something is of value to me and could help me in my life, then I continue to study and learn about it. I've had to accept that there are many things that I simply don't have the background to understand - yet. I also know that learning must be earned through many long hours of effort. Since my time is limited, I concede that many things simply aren't worth my time and energy to study, and many things are not known at this time. 

Still some people ask how I can remain a member of the Church when they claim that Joseph Smith did some terrible thing. In today's world where there are so many attention seekers shouting "foul play", we must be very careful to not just react and make a judgment based solely on hearsay. Through my research, I have seen how many "claims" can be understood when they are placed in their proper historical context. (see my polygamy articles)  As thinking people, instead of just mindlessly reacting, we need to do our own in depth research before we make our decision on things we hear.

Questions and Answers about Polygamy

https://www.lds.org/media-library/video/2017-11-0140-mormon-polygamy-q-and-a?category=church-history-topics&lang=eng

In connection with the publication of the first volume of the new history, Saints - The Story of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, several videos have been made dealing with Church History. In this video, two historians answer questions about polygamy.