I was walking a little in the hospital just a few hours after surgery. I had little dizziness or nauseousness and the pain was reasonable. Amazingly, I went home a little less than 24 hours after being admitted to the hospital. I was so grateful that our home is only 15 minutes from the hospital instead of having to travel for six hours to get home like I did with my hysterectomy nine months ago.
At home, I kept finding myself taking impromptu naps for the first three weeks, but I was still able to do a few light things around the house such as washing some laundry and dust mopping a few rooms. As I'm now starting week five, I'm doing well. I'm enjoying a walk each morning, washing a little laundry, heating up meals for myself, and getting back on the computer.
Of course, I rested whenever I felt tired which was pretty often, but I also tried to keep moving as much as possible. Besides helping to keep me from having blood clots, exercise helped me not feel as fatigued and sleep better. I also began the beginning arm stretching exercises when we got home. Though I am a little tight, I have full range of arm movement and am doing the more advanced exercises now. Moving as much as I can without causing more pain or tiredness, has really helped my recovery.
I thought that I would not be able to sleep well after surgery since I would need to partially sit up. I've always needed to be on my right side to sleep, but I've been able to sleep fine on my back. I put a stack of towels under each arm and a rolled up blanket under my knees to relieve the strain on my back, and have slept well each night.
I was concerned about the pain, but it has always been bearable. I kept having "letting down"** pains during the first three weeks which were quite wearing. I took a couple of Tylenol in the morning and a couple Tylenol before bed to "take the edge off" and did well. Now that it has been four weeks since my surgery, my chest feels like I have a bad sunburn. My skin is very sensitive, but definitely healing.
I have been amazed at how well I've felt. I had expected to have all sorts of emotional trauma, but I haven't. I expected to feel a sense of loss, but I haven't. The pain attests that my nerves are still there. A few spots are still a little numb, but seem to be improving slowly. I still feel like me, though my chest nostalgically reminds me of when I was twelve. The scars are not the huge purple gashes I was expecting. Though the incisions are long, about eight inches on each side, even at this point, they are only thin, faint lines. I felt a lot more comfortable after the first week when the incision drains were removed and much better at three weeks when the large elastic wrap around my chest, and steri-strips over the degradable stitches were removed. I was relieved to find that it hardly hurt at all when the tape was removed.
All in all, it has gone well. The most difficult time for me was a week after my surgery when I had to go back on my chemo medication. After discussing it with my oncologist, I had stopped taking the Lynparza*** drug the week before my surgery so I could build up my red blood cells and the strength I would need for surgery. I also wanted to have the week after my mastectomy to recover some before having to cope with the stress of a chemo drug.
I had been feeling better than I had for a long time. I felt cheerful and enthusiastic about life. The next morning after starting my chemo meds again, I woke very early with a smashing headache. For the next week I had heartburn, fatigue, depression, jumpy legs, no appetite, headaches, incontinence, diarrhea, lost sense of taste and appetite, and was achy. My back popped out of place several times, and I had a lot of back pain. The hardest thing was feeling so tired. I didn't want to do anything, even talk. I felt like I was under a big rock, and I felt like crying. I wanted to be cheerful again. I wondered if living longer was worth feeling so miserable. I didn't want to be remembered like this. I knew it could give me a 50% increased chance that my ovarian cancer would remain in remission for five years, but I still wondered if I really wanted to keep taking this drug.
I prayed for help in enduring taking the chemo medication. The next morning I remembered that it takes around a week to adjust to the Lynparza cancer drug. After a week and a half, I adjusted again to the medication. I am still more tired, dampened down, achy, and have little sense of taste or appetite, but I feel pretty much like me again. I can laugh, and I feel interested in doing things again. It isn't great, but I feel it is worth it to extend my life.
Another challenge this last month was unexpected. My husband has nearly always been able to do whatever he wanted, whenever he wanted. He even worked full time and ran a 5K race when he had shingles. I had come to take for granted that he didn't get sick and could do whatever was needed, but at 75, we are having to accept that his body is aging. I had been depending on him to go to the hospital with me and care for me when we got home, but with a swollen knee, about all he could do was just sit there with an ice pack on his knee. I wondered how we were going to manage.
This is the point when I really began to see the Lord's love and intercession. I was guided to learn what medications could be used when you have Mast cell over-responsiveness like I have. I prepared all I could by making sure food was cooked and the house was in order. I knew that it was crucial that I remained very calm. I really couldn't see me doing that, but I did. I slept well and felt calm before the surgery. The doctors and nurses were attentive to my needs and took special measures which enabled me to make it through the surgery and recovery period with little stress. Since I was doing so well and my husband was also able to function better, we were able to manage well at home.
In fact, this has been a special time in our lives. We have enjoyed just relaxing and spending time together. It has reminded us to focus on what is most important, instead of on just getting things done. We have grown closer as we have faced such a serious operation. I have been blessed with the strength to do what was needed to help preserve my life. I have had more confirmation that who I am is not dependent on being young, beautiful, having all parts intact, or on what I can do. I know I am a beloved daughter of God. Who I am, my spirit, is eternal, and as I trust the Lord's wisdom and guidance in my life, I am growing from each experience. I am feeling grateful for all that has happened to me and am seeing each thing as an opportunity for growth. I now know that no matter what happens, I can still feel peace and joy for I know I am loved and am being blessed.
*Upper Body Forced Air Blanket set for 43 degrees Celsius (109.4 F)
**I experienced these sharp pains many years ago when I began to nurse a new baby. (They went away as my body adjusted to nursing)
***Also known as Olaparib. Used to keep advanced ovarian cancer in remission with adults who have the BRCA gene mutation.
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