We made it to our 50th Wedding Anniversary in spite of my having cancer

Our wedding day Aug 23, 1972

I am so grateful that we made it to our 50th wedding anniversary. Last year at this time, it looked doubtful that it would happen. Just a few weeks before, I had been diagnosed with advanced ovarian cancer (stage 3c), the BRCA2 gene mutation, and with a cancer count* of nearly 2000 with 35 being the point where you are considered to have cancer.

Aug 23, 2022

As a woman with a husband who is nearly 75, I had considered that I might become a widow someday, but I had never thought about leaving my husband a widower. I knew it would be so lonely not to have my husband here and how empty it would feel to not be able to share my ideas and experiences with him. I would miss having someone who could make my dreams come true and handle details for me. He has shared his strengths in logic, building, performing details, and managing finances, so that I could have more time to study and write. In turn, I have shared my ability to see the whole picture, pick up feelings, long range plan, and communicate. Together, we have been able to do so much more than either of us could have done separately. We have grown so much with the Lord's and each other's help. 

I knew I could somehow make it alone with help from others and with computer programs such as automatic bill payment, but who would help my husband understand what is happening in a movie, what a grandchild needs, or plan relaxation activities so he would take a needed break from working? I worried about leaving him alone.

At first I cried a lot as I realized that we might not be together, then I realized that we could always be together if we kept the covenants we made in the temple to follow our Savior and become like Him. If we did this, our marriage could continue throughout eternity.**

by the St George Temple

Though it didn't seem reasonable to believe we could make it to our 50th anniversary, I felt a calmness, a sense of peace, and an assurance that we would be together here on the earth for some time yet. With the Lord's help, and the loving support of my husband, this last year, I have gone through four chemo treatments, a hysterectomy with debunking (removal of visible cancer), am taking chemo medication, and just had a double mastectomy. 

Has this last year been fun? Has our marriage been fun? Has it been fun raising four children? Some moments have been fun, but other moments have been frustrating, fulfilling, confusing, exciting, discouraging, and rewarding.  We have known wrenching sorrow, but also amazing joy. Real life is like that. Has it been worth it? Yes, oh definitely, yes!

Joking around

What has made it so worthwhile is the growth we have experienced during these last 50 years. My husband says that he has learned that he needs to talk more, that everyone is not like him, that people really are different, that all abilities are equally important, and that serving his wife and family really does bring happiness. I have learned to not be so fearful, but to face life with faith. I've felt the joy in sharing who I am with others without becoming paralyzed by the expectation that I must be perfect first. I've also come to accept more that people really are different, especially men from women, and quit jumping to incorrect conclusions based on how I see life, instead of how he sees it. One of the hardest things for me has been learning to be assertive. It has been hard to keep trying to communicate until we finally understand each other, instead of my merely believing that I'm right and sulking.

This last year has helped me see how facing challenges really does give us opportunities to grow. I am so grateful for this time we've had to become so much closer as we have shared this experience with cancer. Though I'm aware that having the BRCA2 gene mutation means that we will have many more challenges ahead of us, I am not afraid, for I know the Lord will continue to help us use adversity to grow and make our relationship closer than ever.

*Cancer Count - CA125 tumor marker number; Cancer Antigen test which measures a certain protein in the blood

**Eternal Marriage - to learn more about it see: https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/temples/what-happens-in-a-temple-sealing?lang=eng

Oakland Temple where we were married