Growing Up

Growing Up

by Cheryl Merrick  2010

As a child angrily pounds on his father’s leg,
screaming, “You don’t love me!”,
we threaten to withhold our love
from God
if He does not immediately
give us all we desire.
After all, we, in our toddlers wisdom,
feel sure we now know what is best for us.
At least, we know we want it right now,
and our father should give it to us.
If He truly loves us, wouldn’t He want us to be happy?
With a surety breed from ignorance and arrogance,
we constantly test Our Father’s love,
demanding His immediate fulfillment
of our every desire.
In peace He stands,
enduring our childish blows and shrill screams,
our pouting and our sulking.
In love He withholds what would harm us,
waiting for us
to accept His wisdom

and begin growing up. 

For Us by Cheryl Merrick

           For Us

He shops, cleans, does laundry,

and pays bills “for us”.

Allowing me the quiet time

I need to study and think,

so I can write “for us”.

Subsequent to re-posting For Us on Cheryl♥Anne’s blog, I read Designed for Covenant Relationships,  a recent Brigham Young University devotional talk which amplifies and clarifies the true principles behind For Us far better than did my poor words.  The author introduces her topic with these significant words:

 “We are deeply relational beings, designed for radical dependence and connection.  Marriage and family life . . . are not just the means to an end.  Familial love and belonging are the end.” 

This brilliant article  is a must-read.   The link is listed at the end of this post.

It’s quite audacious of me to claim that this short, simple poem is Cheryl♥Anne’s greatest, but I know its full meaning, since I’m part of it.  Notice that I said “part”, not “half”; Christ is by far the Major Contributor to this story.  It is Cheryl♥Anne’s greatest poem because it embodies the entire purpose of mortal life and the Gospel plan.  That purpose is unity in marriage - and a few ideas on how it is achieved.

The process started long, long ago when “intelligences” were united with a spirit body, thus becoming a united being.  The process continued when the spirit was united with a physical body and placed in a situation where that man or woman was given the freedom to choose between good and evil, while being subject to the demands and temptations of mortal life.  In other words, will the spirit control the body or not?  Joy in life comes when spirit and body are united to choose the good, which can only happen when we allow Christ to be our leader.

Then, if we are to become like God, another “added upon” event must occur.  A man and a woman must be sealed together eternally by God’s authority on earth.  But, that sealing does not make a man and a woman united.  It only gives them the opportunity to work at becoming such.  Remember Christ’s words: “if ye are not one, ye are not mine”.  

The greatest joy that can come to a man and a woman in mortality is to become one, to be united.  That is the essential message of For Us, not the writing or the laundry, but the unity

Could I Leave My Faith

As my father was dying, he begged me to come back to our traditional family religion.  He claimed that since all religions were about the same, it wouldn’t make any difference.  Though I knew it would mean so much to my dad, I didn’t do it.  Why?

To answer, I must go back to my college days.  I lived just down the hill from the University of California at Berkeley.  It was in the late 1960's, the age of Hippies, and “Flower Power”.  Youth were questioning.  They were tired of just being admonished to do as you are told.  They didn’t want to merely follow some traditional religion.  They wanted answers.  They wanted to know the meaning of life.  Some sought “enlightenment” in Far Eastern religions, and some in LSD (not LDS!) drug highs.  For most it was just a “fad”, but for me it was not.

I studied the major world religions and found some truths there.  I looked at Christian religions and found some truth there.  But it was not enough for me.  I wanted more than beliefs that some people had decided would make good guides for life.  I was looking for more.  I wanted truth, what was real.  I was looking for something that felt right.

One day I began to study The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints.  I found again the real God, a loving Heavenly Father, whom I had known as a child until I became lost in all sorts of religious “mysteries”.  I learned that my life had purpose - to learn, grow, and become like my Heavenly Father, and that our Savior could help me reach my full potential.  I had always felt that loving relationships could not just end, and was thrilled to hear that we could continue in families after we left this life.  It all felt right and true.  It felt like I had rediscovered truths that I had always known.

It was like going from candlelight into the sun.  After years of searching, I had found not some man-made set of beliefs, but the truth I was seeking and could never leave.

Why I Became a Mormon

When I was eighteen and living close to Berkeley, California, I was looking for some teachings to guide my life. I wanted a happier life than I'd seen in my family.  I looked into all sorts of religions, even Far Eastern.  Nothing felt right and many of the things they said didn't seem just - such as if you were a little bit better you went to heaven or a little bit worse and you went to hell.  About this time I met a nice girl in a high school summer class, and we became friends. I was very impressed with the love I saw in her family.  I had never seen anything like it before.  I began to ask her questions, and she suggested I talk to some missionaries.  As I read the Book of Mormon, so many questions I had were answered.  Ideas just rang true.  They felt like things I had always known, but had forgotten.  Finally, two years and many, many questions later (I  had to be sure, for I knew this was the biggest decision I would make in my life), I finally joined The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints.  My parents weren’t very happy with my decision, but I was.  Through the years, these true principles have helped me to build a happy marriage and a strong family, and to see my health problems as opportunities to grow. I have never regretted my decision one moment.

Cheryl Anne's Eulogy

For those friends of Cheryl Anne Merrick who were not able to view her memorial service I have posted my eulogy at her memorial service here on her blog.  In preparing to post I realized that at the end of my talk about Cheryl♡Anne I failed to reiterate and summarize my introductory topical statement, as a good writer should do.  So, the added "I began Cheryl♡Anne's story" summary at the end is an addition to the spoken message.

  - Garrett Merrick

Thank you all for coming.  I want to acknowledge the music people, the Bishop, the RS & EQ presidents, and many others whom we know have helped to make this a special day for our family.  We thank Melode Blackmore for her wonderful support as our hospice nurse, and we thank those who provided flowers.  Any who brought flowers are welcome to take them home after the memorial service.  Teddi Stubbs has graciously volunteered to deliver any remaining flowers to ward members who need a little sunshine in their day.  We also thank Teddi for getting the painting of Cheryl framed, and a very, very special thanks to Kirsten Beitler, Cheryl♡Anne’s good friend who painted that lovely painting of Cheryl that you saw in the Life Display.

Nearly Home With Terminal Cancer

Things have been moving along quite quickly the last few days.  The ascites fluid buildup in my abdomen from the liver not functioning has become quite painful.  I am still fairly comfortable in a hospital bed.  The fentanyl patches and morphine are keeping me fairly comfortable.  I had expected that the morphine would make me dopey, but it doesn’t seem to be affecting my alertness much at all.  

The ascites has put so much pressure on my stomach that I can no longer eat, which is okay, since my digestive system seems to have shut down.  Since my stomach is so squished I don’t feel hungry at all.  I can no longer drink fluids, and I’m incredibly thirsty.   Since I haven’t eaten much this last week, or had water for a couple of days, I am very weak and doze a lot.  

Progress With Terminal Cancer

Making good progress this week on my path with terminal cancer.  I seem to be losing muscle mass and gaining ascites fluid buildup.  This is causing fluid pressure in my abdomen and on my dislocated rib and hip problem, and therefore is causing a lot of pain.  With the increasing fluid buildup in my abdomen I now have very little space left in my stomach for food.  This is causing major acid reflux.

We discussed these problems with my hospice nurse.  I now have a hospital bed, which my husband spent hours wrapping the mattress, trying to contain its perfume smell.  We also had to wrap the controls and wires with plastic wrap because I’m so allergic to perfumes.  It is helping me sleep better.

How I'm feeling this week

I am much more tired than I was last week. I can stand long enough to brush my teeth then I must sit down due to the pain from the pressure on my abdominal, back, and leg nerves from the ascites swelling (liver is failing and not filtering toxins out as it should). I can walk to the other end of the house, but may need to rest a while before I can come back. I can dress myself and am sleeping pretty well on my back with my knees up. I can eat, but only small amounts at a time and before 2 pm so I can avoid major heartburn. I don't have any appetite, but am able to get down my normal healthy foods. It really helps that my husband prepares the food and puts it in front of me. Also, my digestive system still seems to be working pretty well.