Raising Active Children

I just found this article that I wrote a long time ago about our experiences of raising our children. Home computers were fairly new, so we had a new option for our children's time to cope with. It really took effort to encourage our children to lead active lives instead of just sitting at the computer or playing video games. Hope our experiences are a help to you.

Our children were always busy doing something. I have been asking myself why they didn’t just sit in front of the TV or computer all day.  I think the major reason was our family policy. Watching TV or playing on the computer were considered rewards, not rights. Play time was earned.

Though I’ll admit it was tempting, especially since I was often ill,  to consider using the TV as a babysitter to keep the children quiet and passive, we didn’t. TV was mainly limited to an hour or two in the evenings. As parents we were conscious of our example, so we didn’t just turn on the TV every spare moment to amuse ourselves or just keep us company.

We tried also to set an example of spending our time doing good things, and included our children in these projects. Our children helped rewire the house, learned to cook, washed cars,  planted gardens, and picked fruit. Besides projects, we provided regular work for them to do. We divided the upkeep of the house and yard and made assignments according to ability. Even toddlers were given small jobs to do.

Falling Out and Falling Back In Love with a Spouse

https://www.mormonchannel.org/watch/series/his-grace/falling-out-of-love-with-a-spouse?cid=HP_FR_23-9-2016_dMC_fMC_xLIDyI-1_

I was very touched by this video. I guess it brought back memories. We just celebrated our 44th wedding anniversary. I can remember when I wondered if we would make it four years. How did we make it? Were we always happy?

I always envisioned people who were happily married after many years as always having a blissful relationship. I've changed my mind. I think they are people who simply didn't give up. They just kept praying and trying. They aren't quitters.

Sure, there were lots of times when we wanted to just run away, when we were discouraged, and didn't feel close. We were also aware enough to know that running away, wouldn't solve our problems. We knew we weren't very happy, but we also knew we wouldn't be happier if we divorced. Of course, there are times when you must leave an abusive relationship, then you should run as far and as fast as you can.  But this isn't what happens in most marriages.

Family Evenings Together

We’re not sure how it happened. As members of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, we tried formal family home evenings. Some went well, and some didn’t. At the same time we were reading scriptures and stories to our children most nights. They loved it and kept asking if it was “reading time” yet. We were amazed!

Gradually, what had begun as family scripture reading, evolved into something much more. We were spending more and more time discussing what the scriptures meant and how to apply them in our lives. We talked about Joseph of Egypt’s  integrity, and forgiveness; Daniel’s keeping the Word of Wisdom; Esther’s courage; Nephi’s faith; Alma the Younger’s repentance and humility; and of course, the example of love and perfection of the Savior. Abraham and Job made us ponder the purpose of trials in life. The Pearl of Great Price provided deeper perspectives into the Plan of Salvation.  The Doctrine and Covenants showed us the way to the Celestial Kingdom.

As we studied the lives of people in both ancient and modern times, we came to better understand the commandments; the joy of keeping them and the  consequences of disobedience.  Our love for the scriptures and for each other grew as we shared our experiences, insights, questions, and testimonies in a safe, informal, environment.   Finally, we realized that we were having family home evenings not just once a week but five to seven times each week! We were simply using the scriptures as our manual.

Our Scripture Study

My husband and I felt something was missing in our scripture study. When our children were at home, my husband read from the scriptures after dinner while we cleaned up the kitchen. The children welcomed the company and enjoyed having something to listen to while they did the dishes. We stopped frequently to explain what words meant and to summarize or rephrase sections. My husband might even insert a child’s name in the scripture. Amid protests of, “Dad, it doesn’t say that!”, he’d finally admit, “maybe it didn’t, but it could have.”  Sometimes, we shared an experience from our lives which related to the scripture, and often, they shared experiences with us, usually from school. As parents, we had the clear goal of trying to help our children relate the scriptures to their lives.

Now that our children are grown and have homes of their own, my husband and I continue to study the scriptures. We follow The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saint’s course of scripture study for the year and attend our Sunday School classes where we appreciate the teacher’s insights. We read the small course guide which contains the reading assignments. We also read the footnotes in The  Church's edition of the scriptures, from the Bible dictionary, and articles which coordinate with our scripture study from the Ensign (adult magazine of The Church), occasionally sharing some thoughts from our study with each other. Though we learned a lot, we still felt that something was missing.

Cycle Breaker

We left the Oakland Temple, two converts filled with optimism and determination to make a celestial family. A few years later, I was in tears. Where was the loving, unified couple we had hoped to be?  Our two fussy children hardly made us a happy family. What were we doing wrong?

As I saw us repeating old family traditions, I felt trapped. Neither of us had any idea  how to do better. It was then that we began to realize that we couldn’t change by ourselves. No matter how hard we tried, we would simply go in circles and never be free from the mistakes of the past.

We began to see that the power to change came through the atonement. This thought brought us comfort and hope, but we still didn’t know what to do. I know I prayed for my husband and children to change, everyone but myself, and suspect that my husband had similar prayers. I asked for help and nothing happened. I was discouraged.

Changing Our Marriage by Changing Me

I wrote this in about 2010. Our marriage keeps getting better and better each year.

In the early years of our marriage I believed my husband loved me, but I sure didn’t feel very loved–  now I do. What has changed? Is he really very different–  am I? Sure we have shared a lot, but have we really changed all that much? What is different now?

A friend mentioned that she thought I have learned to relate better with my husband. I think she is right. I can remember an instance several years ago. I had packed up some Christmas decorations and placed them in the doorway informing my husband that they were ready to go up to the attic. For the next twenty minutes I watched in mounting frustration as my husband walked around the boxes. Finally I blurted out, “Why aren’t you taking the boxes to the attic!?”

He calmly replied, “You haven’t asked me.”

I thought I had. I thought I had been very clear.

Can Members Express Dissatisfaction with Church Leadership?

After reading some of the comments from this small dissident group who would not sustain the leadership of The Church of Jesus Christ at General Conference last weekend, I felt I should write more. If you have heard anything about them, you probably have some questions. If you have been around a bit you are probably wondering if more is really going on here, and you would be right. 

Does God Answer Prayers?

This is one of my favorite stories. I have thought of it many times especially when I have been trying to do something I wanted to do, only to have my health fail and not be able to do it. At last, I'm finally enjoying being a productive bush instead of a gangly tree.

A friend said that she had a personal relationship with God and that she prayed to Him. She also said, "He doesn't answer, but I hope He is listening!"  I know He does listen and answers our prayers. We are the ones who need to learn how to listen. We need to learn how to recognize His answers. Rarely does God get our attention by causing bushes to burn, or by sending a bright light and speak to us in a clear voice as He did to Paul. How can we know His answers?