Blessings in the Hospital

Last week, I was admitted to the hospital, a place I've managed to avoid for 71 years except to have our four children. I had had some abdominal swelling for a couple of weeks, but it suddenly became worse. I could no longer eat or drink and was in extreme pain. 

Our doctor at our local clinic took a CT scan which showed a large mass about the size of an orange and some smaller masses in my abdomen. He immediately sent me over to the emergency room at the large hospital near our home where they drained nearly five liters of fluid from my abdominal cavity to my great relief.

During the week I had many tests, concluding with a biopsy of the large mass on Thursday, my birthday. Over and over I heard the words, "Probable cancer", "Cancerous masses can cause tissues to leak fluid like this", and, "The oncologist (cancer doctor) will interpret all the results."

I never seriously considered cancer. That was for "someone else" and for "old people". Sure, I had been unusually tired sometimes, but other than that, I felt alright. Now, it burst upon me dissolving me into sudden tears and filling me with a desperate yearning to remain with my husband and see my grandchildren grow up. Since I had had several personal experiences with "the other side", and had read many accounts in the scriptures by people who had been allowed to see God and life beyond this mortal dimension, I didn't feel any fear of death, but I did have sweeping moments of fear as I anticipated months or years of suffering.  

Then a peaceful feeling began to fill me. I knew that all I needed to do was have faith. The Lord would help me get through everything just as He had been doing this week. I wasn't to worry and just trust that whatever happened would be for my good, and my family's good. This was an opportunity to learn and develop greater faith in God. It is a time to remember that Heavenly Father deeply loves me and is providing us with the experiences which will best help us grow and develop into an eternal family. 

God is not an overindulgent parent who thwarts my development by giving me everything I want when I want it, or by protecting me from all pain and challenges. No, He is my Heavenly Father who truly loves me, has confidence in me, and wants me to become more like He is and return home to live with Him someday. He is allowing me to develop my character, strengthen my faith, and grow in compassion and love.

So, as I gave up needing to know "how it was all going to turn out", and began to look for the Lord's help in my life, I was amazed. I saw how I was strengthened, how pain was moderated, how things just happened "to work out", how I knew the right decisions to make, and how so many very kind people were there to help me. The more I thanked those around me and felt appreciation for the Lord's help, the happier I felt, even though I was suffering and in pain. Peace and happiness truly are not dependent on a life of comfort and ease, but on living so that I can have our Savior with me. 

I do not know what my future will hold, what I will have to endure, or how long I have yet to live, but God does, and that is enough. I know He will help me get through each day and that He loves me more than I can comprehend, and that is enough.

*photo taken a few days before admittance to hospital

June 2021 Note to Friends

I just wanted you to know that I may not be able to write to you for a long time. I do not yet know what treatments I will be having. This happened suddenly. We do not even know if I will make it, but I wanted you to know what is happening so you will know why you are not hearing from me.

I pray that all will be well with you.

If you do not hear from me in several months, then I will be waiting to greet you on the other side.

With my love, your friend,

Cheryl