A man's point of view of being married 49 years

Would you wonder what your husband would say if he was asked why he is still married to you? This happened to us recently. I mentioned to a few people that it was our 49th wedding anniversary. Of course they congratulated us, then we were asked for our "secret". I immediately responded that you have to keep trying, have faith in each other, and become united on your goals. This is great advice, but it is my husband's response that still has me thinking. He said, "Take good care of her and she'll take good care of you." Today I asked him to explain what he meant by that. I thought other people might also be interested in what he said. It wasn't at all like all the hype you hear through the media pressuring women to tuck, fill, and lift to "keep your man". 

Instead my husband explained, "She loved you enough to marry you. If you take care of her, that will continue." I still wasn't sure what he meant, so he added, "Without the man's leadership, the relationship won't work. She simply can't do it all alone." I can testify to that! Most women have known the frustration of trying to get their husband to do or talk about something. After waiting and waiting, you finally ask about it, only to be snapped at and told you are being "pushy". This is definitely a "no win" situation. This doesn't mean that he issues orders to which his wife obediently submits, but that he is involved and is taking responsibility to see that their goals and needs are met. His advice to men, " If it matters to her, it matters to him and is important to their relationship."

His advice to women, " Teach him to relate." He explained that a man most likely will have no idea what, or if, anything is wrong in the relationship with his wife. I know of a man who illustrates this. He was so blissfully obtuse that he thought all was well until his wife finally told him to leave, then he had no idea why she would do that. 

My husband went on to say that women need to tell their husband, clearly, in words he can understand, how they are feeling and what they need. Like most women, I used to view my husband more like another woman just in a man's body. I assumed that, of course, he should understand what I meant. I thought I was being very clear, but I wasn't really communicating with him. Now, I've learned to check with my husband to see what he is understanding of what I'm saying. Often, it is not what I was trying to say; then I know I need to go back and try again. I've also learned that an, "If you love me, you would understand!" attitude doesn't do much to build a strong relationship with my husband. 

Yes, I need to have faith that he really does love me, but then I must make sure he understands how to do that. He needs to know how his actions affect me, what is important to me, and what I need to be happy. Though it is challenging to build a relationship, step by step, it is worth it. My husband reminded me that no one has every skill and women need to remember that relating is difficult for most men. As my husband has said, "I couldn't do it without your help." I guess that's our "secret" -- helping each other.